I am sitting in the dark beside Bernadines rose garden dedicated to our lady . It’s quiet, a little cold and I can hear the recent rain dripping all around me. The house is quiet now , Bernadines family and our sons Patrick and Joseph are in the house , talking ,reminiscing and coping in their own ways . The house looks beautiful , warm inviting and gently lit. But I came outside to get fresh air , to stop the pain of her absence , to talk to her in the place she called ‘ her own slice of heaven on earth ‘. I can feel her here like no where else but I feel her absence more . It’s too early to be comforted and I am hanging onto the pain of her going , an intense , deep seated silence at my core. Both sides of our family have been wonderful but the messages from friends and family here and abroad have helped enormously , thank you from the bottom of my heart .