So here I am sitting in St Mary’s Stelling. I have come here because I’m recovering from and operation on my leg snap a quadriceps and this walk is sort of exercise and physiotherapy at the same time. It’s the edge of spring the birds singing this a bit of sunshine but still a chill in the air I’m sitting on a bench in memorial to a couple who died a long time ago churchyard needs the grass cutting and some of the greatest tended tombstones teacher at ridiculous angles almost as if the bowing towards the church. So I had seven years with you and cancer and I came out the other side different changed most selfish I think. I never thought I would meet someone again that would fill my life in the way Julie does and I never thought I’d have to step up to the role of carer again Julie‘s got cancer and I have to say I’m not optimistic about her chances. You know I won’t walk away from this and I will do my best to look after her but I don’t know where that’s going to leave me afterwards, hopefully my fear is wrong hopefully she can be cured of this horrible disease that took you so early. She is not a Christian although she dabbled with it and so she won’t have that to lean back on and all she will have is me I think the children three of them are young and probably too young.